First of all I want to apologise for how long this blog is going to be. My reason for writing this blog is I want to share with you all the heartbreak that I have had to endure these past two years, and I want to share my tips on how to recover from heartbreak, even when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and you can’t possibly recover. I’m here to tell you that you can, and you will. Even if this blog helps just one person a bit, I’ve done my job.
My story starts back in 2016. I was living in London and at uni. On a relatively sunny day at the beginning of March I was getting ready to go out to meet my uni mate. I was feeling a little stressed with uni that day I remember, but I was happy. I was content and I was looking forward to my birthday which was in a few weeks. And then while I was getting ready to go out, I just happened to get a text out of the blue from this guy who I hadn’t seen or spoken to in two years, since we left college. His name is Leon McKenzie. Now, I was crazy about this guy at college but I kind of kept my distance from him because I knew he had a girlfriend at that time so I wanted to respect their relationship.
Anyway, we arranged to meet up that evening and go for a drink to catch up. When we met it was lovely and I was so happy to see him again. It was then I realised that my feelings for him never actually left. I really liked this guy, and he told me that he had just split up from his girlfriend.
To cut the story short, a few months later we went on a date. For some reason, something that’s never happened with another guy before.. my strong feelings for him grew quickly. However, after our date, he distanced himself from me. After months and months (this went on throughout the whole of 2016) of me telling him how I feel and him messing me about I virtually never heard from him after. It was then I found myself crying at the doctors and I was put on anti-depressants. I knew I had hit rock bottom and I had never felt that bad since my grandad passed away back in 2009. I loved Leon, and how he was treating me was hurting me so bad I couldn’t even function properly. It was affecting every aspect of my life, from my friends to my studies. The weird part was that sometimes he would randomly pop up, like on my birthday last year he messaged me wishing me a happy birthday out of the blue. It was then a few months later I had to find out for myself that Leon had got a new girlfriend called Danielle Sandor. He didn’t say a single word to me even though he knew exactly how I felt about him. I just had to find out for myself. In addition to this, I also had to find out that they went on holiday together that summer. Honestly, I can’t explain how it made me feel. I felt, and still feel just beyond devastated and heartbroken. I felt like I had just been ditched by the man, not only who I love but who I thought was also my friend. I nearly allowed it to totally destroy me.
I’ve been in love and got hurt before, but I managed to get over him quite easily. For some reason, with Leon it’s just different. Leon broke me. He hurt me in every way possible and I KNOW he will never find another girl who feels the same way about him as I do. Guaranteed.
With all of this hurt has come a whole load of lessons and I’d like to share some of these with you, specifically about how to get over heartbreak.
Firstly, get all your feelings out. This is what I’m doing with writing this blog. No matter how hard it is, even if it means texting the person who’s hurt you long paragraphs out of the blue and coming across as crazy, trust me just do it! or write down all your feelings on a piece of paper, or write a blog like I’ve done, just do whatever it takes to get all of your emotions out! Trust me, you’ll feel 100x better. Admittedly, I’ve sent long messages to Leon many of times out of the blue and a lot of them not so nice (even to his new girlfriend once). Leon never gave me any closure whatsoever, and I think this is why I’ve struggled so much to move on. Therefore, give yourself closure like I did by telling them exactly how they’ve made you feel.
Secondly, time is your best mate. As they say, time heals nearly all wounds and it really is true. I don’t mean to spurt out a loud of cliches but this is simply what I’ve found out myself. Let time be your healer. You may feel like you’ve hit rock bottom now, but you will not always feel this way. Once you’ve hit rock bottom the only way you can go is up. I’m not as bad as I was before, I voluntarily came off anti-depressants a few months ago and I don’t cry as much over him anymore. So I’m living proof that in time you do heal, even if you feel like you’re never gonna get better. You do.
Thirdly, lose all contact with them. I’ve had to block Leon, his new girlfriend and even his mum on instagram because I just couldn’t see the posts, it hurts too much. It really isn’t healthy to have that urge to go on their profile to see stuff that you know will upset you. Why do we do that? We always look at stuff that we know will piss us off lol. So yeah, block them then they are totally out of your life and never in sight.
Last but not least, communicate. No matter how difficult you feel it is you have to talk to anyone who you feel most comfortable confiding in. Everybody needs somebody, especially when they’re going through difficult times. Talk to your friends, your family, councillor, anybody. It’ll help you so much to let all your feelings out verbally to someone who cares and can offer you support and advice. They’ll more than likely understand what you’re going through and can let you know that everything will be okay, even if it seems like it’s not.
The fundamental thing that I have learnt through all that Leon has put me through is this.. self love is the most important!! I believe this is one of the mistakes that I made. Do not seek validation, nor love from other people. Love yourself, believe in yourself and know your own strength and your worth.
I really hope that all of this made sense. There’s quite a bit more I could write but I’m gonna leave it here because I have wrote far too much haha, and I know I’ve probably made a billion grammar mistakes! But if you have read this far I appreciate it SO much. Thank you!!